Private Service Stress & Measures to Mitigate It

Working in Private Service can be both Rewarding and Stressful

Working as a Private Service Professional can be uniquely rewarding, but it also comes with significant stresses due, in part, to the intimate, high-pressure / high expectation nature of the role.

So what are the common stressors? What can be done to help mitigate them in order to minimize burnout.

Common Stresses in Private Service

1. High Expectations & Perfectionism

   • Clients often demand flawless service, heightened attention to detail, and absolute discretion, which can lead to pressure to perform perfectly. Perfectionism is stressful.

   • For example, a butler, household manager, private chef, executive housekeeper, personal assistant, etc. all rely on anticipating and responding to unspoken needs and expectations. That can be very challenging, but also is part of working in private service.

2. Lack of Boundaries

   • Private service roles often blur work-life lines, with long or irregular hours, on-call availability, and expectations to be "always on."

   • For example, a personal assistant may receive urgent requests late at night or during weekends. It might not always be the case, but it frequently is. It's important when deciding to enter a field to assess the positives and negatives of the role. Not all jobs are for everyone.

3. Emotional Labor

   • Managing the employer’s moods, family dynamics, or personal crises requires emotional resilience.

   • For example, a nanny may occasionally have to navigate tensions between parents or comfort a child during a family conflict. Families are families--family dynamic tension will inevitably occur, and a private service professional needs to recognize that there will be both good and bad days.

4. Physical Demands

   • Roles like chefs, housekeepers, or estate managers involve physical tasks (e.g., standing for hours, heavy lifting, awkward movements) that can lead to fatigue and/or self harm. This isn't always obvious to an employer. But a private chef's position is highly physical with lots of lifting, up and down movement, and awkward movement. A housekeeper who does a lot of ironing and handwashing may experience nerve damage due to exposing their hands to the heat generated by an iron and the relative coolness of water when handwashing. It happens.

5. Job Insecurity

   • Employment often depends on the employer’s satisfaction, which can feel precarious, particularly in situations where there is a lack of communication. While private service professionals might be told "no news is good news" it is, frankly, an insufficient gauge of performance.

   • UHNW individuals are idiosyncratic. Their needs evolve and change and that may be reflected in how their homes are staffed. For example, a nanny's position might come to an end (unless they are promoted within the household structure) once the children are older. Nanny roles often come with an expiry date.

6. Isolation

   • Working in private homes or remote estates can lead to social isolation, especially in live-in roles.

   • Isolation in private service is both common and one of the most unacknowledged aspects of the profession. A home is different from an office where there is plenty of potential for social engagement. A home does not typically offer that, which might be fine for some employees and not others.

7. Unpredictability

   • Schedules, tasks, and priorities may shift suddenly based on the employer’s needs.

   • Adaptability and flexibility are hallmarks of private service. The catch is that sudden change might come into conflict with personal obligations and commitments.

     
     

Strategies to Mitigate Stress

1. Set Clear Boundaries

• Define work hours: This is a tough one in private service, however is occasionally something offered. Usually, as mentioned above, a family employee will be expected to be adaptable. The question is, are accommodations made or rewards offered for the highly-flexible employee?

• Create physical separation: If live-in, determine if the accommodation provided offers separation of work and personal space. The ability to take the time to mentally disconnect from work is important.

• Use time-blocking: Schedule personal time for rest, exercise, or hobbies to avoid burnout. Self care will always be important. In private service, we can often forget ourselves.

2. Practice Emotional Resilience

• Separate work from self-worth: Remind yourself that mistakes or criticism are part of the job, and not a reflection of your value.

• Develop a support network: Connect with other private service professionals (e.g., through industry groups or forums) to share experiences. I think this is so important. In my early days, I used to connect private service professionals with each other. It helped reduce isolation, added to the employee's toolkit of who to call for advice or a trusted vendor, and simply knowing that a network is also a support network. If there are professional organizations, join them. If there are virtual meetings on subjects of interest, sign up for them. If you find podcasts that address professional topics, give them a listen.

• Use mindfulness techniques: I know... womp, womp, except they can help. Breathing exercises, journaling, or meditation can help manage stress in real time. There isn't a "one-size fits all" model, so pick something that works for you. It's difficult to meditate while at work, but building the practise into your "outside life" can be incredibly helpful.

Mindful Meditation and Breathing are great Stress Reducers

3. Prioritize Physical Health

• Ergonomic practises: Use proper lifting techniques, supportive footwear, or compression socks for physically demanding roles. I cannot understate the importance of this. Private Service is a physical profession (mostly) and that might lead to injury. Taking preventive measures, like right footwear and mindful movement, minimizes injury caused by improper ergonomic

• Exercise regularly: Even short workouts can reduce stress and improve stamina. Personally, I build in a walk (usually at lunch hour) into my day. I am also extremely diligent about exercise, which helps to reduce stress and strengthens the body against illness and injury.

• Sleep hygiene: Aim for consistent sleep schedules. Sleep is a great healer. If you have trouble falling asleep, meditation or breathing exercises can help.

4. Clarify Expectations

• Ask detailed questions upfront: Understand the employer’s priorities, communication preferences, hot buttons, and "deal-breakers." This isn't always obvious and may not be communicated, so being intuitive and relying on the experience of a legacy employee can be useful.

• Negotiate a contract: Get it in writing so that mutual obligations and expectations are identified. Without a job offer in writing, a position can easily go off the rails. What is being offered by the employer in terms of pay, benefits, vacation, sick days, and how resignation or termination is managed are the sorts of things that should be included in an offer. Position details and knowing they are captured in writing will help to reduce anxiety.

5. Build on your Skillset

• The employee who makes themselves indispensable to the employer is a successful employee.

• One of the ways to accomplish the above is through continuing education that adds tools of interest to an employer to the employee's toolkit.

8. Leverage Technology

• Use apps to improve on organization, time management, and productivity. Knowing that a task or project is dated and timed is a great stress reducer.

Employers’ Role in Reducing Stress

While much depends on the professional’s strategies, employers can foster a healthier environment by:

• Respecting agreed-upon boundaries (e.g., minimizing calling after hours). Some employers might be amenable to this, while others will not. An applicant should try to determine into which "bucket" the employer falls and make their decisions accordingly. But, it's also important to understand that homes do not run on a 9 to 5 schedule. Emergencies and special events occur and should be part of the employee's expectation.

• Providing clear job descriptions and making all necessary resources available to the employee.

• Offering benefits like health insurance, paid time off, paid sick days, and mental health support.

• Smiles are free. Saying "good morning" comes without a price tag. There will always be homes where these things do not occur. But it's often in the free things that an employee finds professional value.

Some Key Takeaways

Private Service roles require balancing discretion, adaptability, and self-care. By setting boundaries, building resilience, and reasonably advocating for needs, an employee can thrive in these positions without sacrificing their well-being. Remember: A Private Service Professional's ability to serve others depends on maintaining their own health and stability.

Scott Munden is President of Portico Inc., specializing in household staffing for ultra-high-net-worth families.

© 2025, Portico Inc.